Remember how last week’s post ended saying I had accepted that my marriage was over and that my ex and I would not be reuniting? Well, like a typical man, he could tell I was prepared to move on and he swooped right in with false hope. 

I was busy healing, growing, carving out a niche for myself in the world, and then it happened. In a random conversation about our daughter’s backpack or the upcoming sunny weekend, my ex dropped a one-liner about “getting back together.” It caught me off guard. I mean, he had a girlfriend. Most of his conversations with me were emotional and hostile, or cool and distant. And remember, I had begged for weeks to end our separation and rekindle our marriage. All to no avail. So to suddenly hear him suggest that we should get back together, so casually and seemingly spontaneously really threw me for a loop. 

When I first heard it, I got excited. I told my friends. I started to think about what it would be like logistically to reunite - moving back in together, telling our family and friends, reintroducing our relationship to our daughter. I responded to him by saying what I needed him to do in order to consider reuniting. He responded to that by saying he would never do any of those things or change, and that the divorce was all my fault. I was left brokenhearted, yet again. Needing to heal and grow all over again. It was horrendous. 

That wasn’t the first time he mentioned reuniting. In fact, he still does it to this day. As time went on, and he said it more, I was able to hear it without allowing it to completely wreck my peace of mind or send me down a rabbit hole of false hope. I think he finds the idea entertaining or convenient - it would certainly make life easier. Now, I just laugh it off and walk away. 

I say all that to say that shedding myself of any false hope for past relationships, especially my marriage, was critical to moving into this dating phase of my life. I don’t want to bring any past attachments, emotions, or baggage into any new relationships. I had to make up my mind that my marriage was over, and that I wanted no parts of it - resurrected or dead. It was important to me that I took the reigns on that; that I wasn’t just being jerked around or controlled by his emotions.

I wasn’t. I’m not. Marriage number one done. Ready for marriage number two.