As we wrap us this (crazy eventful) year and I wrap up this blog, I want to talk lightly about my life as a single woman. This week, let’s talk first dates! I’ve been on three first dates since I’ve been divorced. 

The first one was with a guy I actually met through my ex during our marriage. I befriended him as a rational male voice to give me advice about the men in my life. Next thing you know, we liked each other! He asked me on a date within weeks of becoming friends. But I’d only been separated for about 8 months. The formality of a date just felt like too much. So he invited me to “hang out.” I remember not knowing what we were going to do or where we were going to go, just that I was to meet him at his place. I agonized over what to wear and whether I was allowed to ask where we were going or doing. I ended up wearing a black tank with black jeans and boots, with a mint green jacket. When I showed up, he welcomed me inside. We talked, watched TV, and then went to eat. We shared a meal (because apparently he wasn’t hungry) and I let him pay. It was a perfectly fine reentrance to the dating world. It helped me get that “first date after divorce” out of my system. While this man is amazing, we had very different life views and goals. So that ended weeks later. 

The second one was with a guy I met through work. We had a lot of history and friends in common. I had heard through the grapevine that he was interested in me. Then we had to work on a project together and just clicked. Since this was two years after the first first date, I was ready. Again, I wasn’t told where we were going or what we were doing. But this time, I felt more comfortable asking if I should dress up or down. He said I should dress down. So I wore a bodysuit, jeans, cardigan, and slip-on sneakers. He picked me up and we journeyed to Century City. He took me to Dreamscape! We had talked about it in one of our earlier conversations, and he remembered. I was nervous. Super nervous. I liked him. And I didn’t want to be crappy at a game in front of him. But it was actually a ton of fun. I even took my siblings back weeks later. After our gaming experience, we went to eat sushi (one of my favorite meals). We talked and laughed, and then he dropped me off at home. It was a great first date. In fact, I remember wanting it to last longer! This man was great because we shared a lot of the same life views, goals, values, likes, and dislikes. We hung out a bit more and got along splendidly. Then I found out he was married with a child on the way. So there’s that.

The third one was a guy who lives in my apartment complex. I’d always seen him around. He was always very pleasant. Then one day we saw each other on a dating app, and that opened up a conversation. Within a few days of talking, he asked me on a date. He told me where we were going and what we were doing. We went to get drinks and then see a movie. I wore a bodysuit, jeans, cardigan, and sneakers (my now date go-to). While having drinks, we talked and laughed. During the movie, we couldn’t talk or anything, but it was enjoyable. It was a fine first date, probably the most relaxed one. It was easygoing and stress-free. That’s probably because I knew the plan and had done it before. So I was comfortable. He’s a really kind and considerate person. We still talk. But after writing about all of my feelings, I’ve realized I just need to be alone - getting to know, trust and love myself. 

First dates can be sooo nerve-wracking. But looking back, if I had focused less on the nervousness, I could have focused on how exciting they are! Getting to know someone is always really fulfilling. Seeing if you have chemistry, good rapport, commonalities, its pretty cool. That person could end up being your next best friend, business partner, or romantic partner. You just never really know what it’ll bring. While I’m not currently dating, I look forward to more first dates and relaxing enough to truly enjoy them.