Divorce comes with a whirlwind of emotions. The emotions of survival, confusion, and eventually healing are a central part of the divorce journey. But we don’t usually process them right away. Instead, we often suppress, misinterpret, or rush through them.

But it’s through facing these feelings that we can rebuild our lives. And one of the most effective ways to do that is by establishing a new routine. A routine grounds us, helps us manage fear and provides a sense of control when life feels completely out of control. Whether it’s about creating new traditions, co-parenting, or just ensuring your home is in order, building a post-divorce routine is essential. Let’s explore how to build that routine with intention and self-compassion.

1. Understand the Importance of Routine

Having routines is critical to mental and emotional recovery, especially after a significant life change like divorce. For me, with OCD, having a consistent routine was the cornerstone of managing anxiety. A structured day helped me avoid spiraling into fear of doing everything alone or failing without my partner.

Therapists often recommend routine-building to manage uncertainty and provide stability. When life is chaotic, a routine allows you to focus on the things you can control: keeping your home in order, ensuring your child has what they need, and taking time for self-care. Routines can be built around checklists for daily tasks, grooming, and emotional well-being, giving you small wins to carry you through tougher days.

Tip: Create a simple checklist for the essentials – house, child, self-care. Divide them into daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly essentials. Put them on your calendar if you need to (or neurotically memorize them like me!). Ticking off these small tasks can provide a sense of accomplishment, even on the hardest days.

2. Move Forward With Intention

One of the keys to post-divorce life is choosing every day to move forward, even when it’s hard or you don’t want to. Early on I decided that I refused to grovel, wallow, or waste time in a space that added nothing to my life. I encourage you to do the same.

Every step forward is progress, no matter how small. I took up mindful eating, focused on my physical health, and embraced a new career path that eventually led me to financial independence. I also had to learn how to navigate finances on my own, from budgeting to taxes. It wasn’t about rushing to the finish line; it was about creating a life that reflected my values and goals over time.

Tip: Each day, make one conscious decision that moves you closer to the life you want. Whether it’s related to health, work, or personal growth, these small decisions compound into meaningful progress.

3. Craft a Morning Routine That Works for You

Your morning sets the tone for the entire day. My mornings are simple but structured. I wake up, check the weather and my calendar, read a Bible devotion, shower, and get dressed before tidying up the house. I also make lunch and listen to gospel music on my way to school drop off and work. These small actions help me feel grounded and ready to take on the day.

As you build your morning routine, start with something manageable. You don’t need to overhaul your mornings all at once. Gradually build in habits that make you feel empowered and in control.

Tip: Include one personal and one productive element in your morning routine. Whether it’s a 10-minute meditation or preparing a nutritious breakfast, make sure your mornings reflect both self-care and preparedness.

4. Parenting Through a New Routine

Co-parenting introduces another layer of complexity to post-divorce life because it means there are periods when your child is not with you. Those times can be hard, especially when you miss out on important moments. In the early stages of co-parenting, I struggled with the quiet and the void when Ava wasn’t with me.

It took time, but I found ways to make those moments productive. I used the time to invest in myself—whether that was exercising, working on my career, or just resting. Remember, a solid routine is not just for when your child is with you, but also for those times when they’re not.

Tip: Plan activities for the time when your child is with their co-parent. These can be solo activities that bring you joy or tasks that need to get done—whatever fills the gap with positivity and companionship rather than negativity and loneliness.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

During and after my divorce, I refused to let myself go. My mother stressed the importance of putting yourself together, no matter what’s going on in life. This advice kept me afloat during even the hardest parts of my divorce journey.

I adjusted my self-care routine based on my new reality. I grew my hair out, swapped expensive salon treatments for simpler routines, and made sure I still took time for myself. Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant; it just has to be consistent. Even small things like maintaining a clean appearance, getting regular exercise, or taking 30 minutes for yourself can significantly impact your emotional health.

Tip: Schedule self-care into your weekly routine. Whether it’s a manicure, a relaxing bath, or an hour at the gym, block out time for yourself. You deserve it, and it helps you show up as your best self.

6. Give Yourself Grace

It’s so easy to feel like you need to get everything right or figure it all out immediately. But the truth is that healing takes time. Divorce is a major life shift, and routines are not formed overnight. Give yourself space and allow yourself to take up that space. You’re navigating a new chapter, and that requires patience and grace. Don’t expect perfection—just keep showing up.

Tip: When things don’t go according to plan, practice self-compassion. You’re doing the best you can, and each step forward is a victory.

Rebuild at Your Own Pace

Establishing a post-divorce routine isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. It’s about reclaiming your time, energy, and focus. Start small, stay consistent, and give yourself grace along the way.

You’re rebuilding a life and every intentional action you take moves you closer to the person you’re becoming.

For more inspiration and support on your post-divorce journey, follow me on Instagram for daily motivation and personal insights!