Throughout co-parenting, I’ve learned that the co-parenting plan is like the Bible; it is everything. It’s how you stay sane when life gets chaotic and emotions run high. But let me tell you, creating a really good, evergreen co-parenting plan isn’t a walk in the park—it’s more like walking through a field of landmines, with the occasional soft, marshmallowy resting spot.

When my ex and I figured out our co-parenting plan, we had to navigate tricky waters. But with time, intention, and (let’s be honest) a lot of trial and error, we made it work. Here’s what I’ve learned about creating a plan that works—for you, your co-parent, and most importantly, your child.

1. Remove Yourself from the Equation

This is probably the hardest and most necessary part: it’s not about you. Or him. It’s about your child. Their holistic development depends on having time and influence from both parents. Yes, even when it’s frustrating, inconvenient, or unnerving.

This doesn’t mean disregarding safety—if there’s any history of abuse or violence, prioritize protective measures. But if all things are safe and equal, your child benefits from time with both parents.

It also doesn’t hurt to enjoy the downtime when your little one is with their other parent. It’s okay to miss them and still binge a show or take a long bath guilt-free.

2. Communicate Collaboratively

Approach your co-parenting communication as you would a professional colleague. Keep interactions clear, respectful, and well-documented. Use email instead of text to maintain professionalism and avoid slipping into casual or emotional exchanges. Treat your co-parent with consideration: give advance notice for requests, follow up as needed, and focus on solutions rather than emotions. For example, I send a monthly email outlining our responsibilities for the month—weekends, holidays, school closures, and any schedule changes. This routine keeps things organized and prevents misunderstandings.

Another key to effective communication is knowing your non-negotiables. These are the things you absolutely won’t compromise on, and it’s essential to identify them before sitting down to collaborate. For me, this meant schooling, church membership, and sleepovers. On the flip side, I was flexible about drop-off times, locations, and residence types. Knowing what mattered most and what didn’t, we avoided unnecessary arguments and could focus on the big picture.

3. Build a Plan That Anticipates Real Life

When you’re making a co-parenting plan, think of everything. During mediation, we even covered Groundhog Day! But seriously, consider the details: holidays and vacations, school early dismissals and breaks, and so on.

And set clear guidelines for changes: how much notice is needed and how it should be communicated. Life happens, and flexibility is key, especially as kids grow older. For us, we communicate changes via email and give at least 24 hours' notice. It’s a system that minimizes surprises and keeps us all on the same page.

4. Prepare for the Challenges

Here’s the truth: the plan won’t always go perfectly. Some challenges are logistical—like one parent not sticking to the plan. When that happens, document it. And if it keeps happening, you may need to revisit the court with all your documentation in tow.

Other challenges are emotional. Missing your child is hard, and not knowing what’s happening at their other parent’s home can feel even harder. It can make you paranoid and crazy! I’ve taught my daughter to advocate for herself and to reach out to me if she ever feels uncomfortable. (I have no problem rolling up and taking my kid back lol!) Keeping an open and nonjudgmental line of communication has been a game changer.

5. Keep the Focus on Your Child

When revisiting the plan, involve your child in a way that feels age-appropriate. I check in with my daughter about how she feels spending time at her dad’s, what she loves, and where she’d like to see improvements. And I endeavor to do this without letting on that her responses influence my decisions.

For example, there were times she struggled with overnight visits. We worked together to make backup plans, ensuring she had options without completely disrupting the agreement. This approach honors her feelings while maintaining the structure of the plan.

6. Keep It Legal and Updated

Your co-parenting plan should always be in writing, detailed, and filed with the court. This ensures there’s an official record to lean on if disagreements arise. Life happens, and plans evolve, so revisit and update the plan whenever your child enters a new phase of life.

For example, as my daughter prepares for middle school, we’re discussing how the plan needs to reflect her new experiences: starting club volleyball, getting a cell phone, and managing menstruation (yep, big milestones ahead!).

You’ve Got This, Mama

Creating a co-parenting plan isn’t easy… at all! But it’s one of the best ways to ensure your child thrives despite the challenges of divorce. Be intentional, stay flexible, and keep the focus on what’s best for your child.

And hey, if you’re deep in the trenches of co-parenting and need more tips or just some relatable laughs, follow me on Instagram @imlaurenmarie. Let’s navigate this journey together!