Ugh Taxes
Ahhhh taxes. At no point during our initial separation did I even consider what it would mean for our taxes. This is probably because, I have to confess, I pay very little attention to my taxes. I know, I know. I’m in my 30s, and someone’s mom. I should have a better handle on my taxes. But alas, I don’t. I pay someone to do and deal with my taxes. So I tend to just rely on them to tell me what to do, what’s working, what’s changing, etc.
When it came time to file my taxes that first Spring, my tax preparer compared the pros and cons of filing jointly and filing separately (since we were still married). It seemed it was more beneficial to both my ex and myself to file jointly. I didn’t really want to because things were still a bit contentious at the time. But if it was in my best interest, I’d deal with it. So we filed jointly. And it turned out we owed money (but less than we would have if we filed separately).
My tax preparer and I came up with an arrangement that divided and assigned the amount owed based on fairness and who was likely the party responsible for it. I didn’t relish having to pay the government. But I was content to do what had to be done in order to be in good standing. When I told my ex that we owed, the amount we owed, and who should pay what, you would have thought we owed millions and that the millions were going into my personal bank account. I was accused of being ignorant, unfair, and malicious. I was told I’d have to pay the debt myself and not bother him with things of this nature again.
Once again, I was left alone to fend for myself. I was furious, frustrated, and hurt. Interestingly, you’d think I’d have learned by then that this was his response. Yet, I didn’t grasp that lesson until much later. So again, instead of fighting with him about it, I resolved to handle it myself. And so I did. I believe he eventually made a small contribution. But the damage was done.
The next year, our divorce was legal. So I filed separately from then on. And as part of our divorce settlement, I requested (and was granted) that I always am able to claim our daughter as my dependent for my taxes. I have to remind him of this every Spring when it comes time to file our taxes. But for the most part, it hasn’t been a problem.
Perhaps you’re much more involved in the handling of your taxes. If so, then great! You don’t even need this post. If not, I’d suggest speaking with a tax preparer to see what works best for you, and if you should consider requesting that you always be able to claim your child(ren) as a dependent.
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When it came time to file my taxes that first Spring, my tax preparer compared the pros and cons of filing jointly and filing separately (since we were still married)…
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