Child Support? Yes, please.
Now, if you’ve been keeping up, you know that I vehemently refused spousal support. But child support? Oh, I was getting child support.
Child support is an ongoing contribution of money given for the living and medical expenses of a child. It is usually given by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent. Unlike spousal support, it is meant to last until the child is an adult. It is calculated by comparing the child’s expenses with the incomes of both the custodial and non-custodial parents. Moreover, if this is awarded by the court and not received, the receiving parent can go back to the court and have it sort of forcibly taken from their paycheck.
It is requested at the time of filing divorce papers. However, it is not usually awarded until after custody of the child has been determined. While I did not want my ex supporting me or being able to brag about supporting me, I felt strongly that it was his obligation to support our daughter. So I requested it.
California has a child support calculator. You plug in your expenses, your child’s expenses, and the percentage of time they’re with you. It then tells you how much the non-custodial parent should give to support the child every month. I did this. And the amount it calculated my ex should give me every month felt large.
While I wanted him to support his daughter, I didn’t want to bankrupt him or cause him misery. I mean this is my daughter’s father and the man I married. I didn’t want him living out of a shoebox or taking the bus or having to work two jobs just so our daughter could have extra toys or designer clothes.
Additionally, I didn’t want the fight. I knew he’d want to pay the minimum. I knew asking him to pay more would be an ordeal that would land us in family court. Avoiding that and the emotional turmoil of fighting with him for the next 16 years was a priority of mine.
Then, because my ex and I filed a dissolution of the marriage settlement, we had to come to an agreement on everything contained in our divorce. This includes child support. So I informed him of what the child support calculator said he should pay. Of course, he disagreed. I then thought about what I actually needed from him. I asked him if he could cover her two biggest expenses - her private school tuition and her health insurance. He agreed! So we wrote it into the settlement and presented it to the judge. If there was any portion of our divorce that would solicit questioning from a judge, it was that part. I knew I deserved more. But I was content with the compromise he and I reached.
A little while later, we received approval from the judge. He began paying her tuition and added her to his benefits. As time went on, he also decided to give me a little more than agreed upon each month. Together, we’re able to meet all of her needs. Generally, if something comes up at school or socially, I cover it. But if its something big or something needed while she’s with him, we’ll split it or he’ll cover it.
I know there are many people who think I should have drained him for all he had. But the peace of mind I have right now, and the sufficiency my child experiences, are all worth it.
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