Say "No" to Instagram Stalking
So we’ve talked about separation, divorce, tons of emotion, finances, and a tiny bit of co-parenting. Now, I want to transition to life after divorce settles, and co-parenting hits a stride. That’s right, I’m talking about dating.
I get asked quite a bit ‘if I’m dating’, ‘who I’m dating’, and ‘how’s the dating life.’ It sounds simple enough, right? I mean just hop on a dating app, slide in someone’s DMs, go to a bar on a Friday night, tell a friend you need to be set up. The avenues to finding a date are endless. But I found that before I could even think of hopping in the car and cruising down one of these avenues, I needed to get dressed … Does that make sense? No? Lol, yeah. Well, what I mean is I needed to get ready.
When I get dressed, I always think of the showering process as washing off the prior day and preparing for the next day. I needed to do that to my relationship with my ex to prepare for dating someone new. This month (and next actually), I’ll talk about things I did to shed my marital relationship and prepare for a new romantic relationship.
The first thing I needed to do was stop social media stalking him. Well, more accurately, stop social media stalking his new girlfriend and friends. My ex deleted all of his social media accounts prior to leaving. This, in hindsight, should have tipped me off to something fishy happening. But hindsight is always 20/20. Anyway, because he didn’t have social media for me to directly keep tabs on what he was doing, I had to stalk those close to him.
I would consistently check the Instagram feed of his new girlfriend and the Instagram stories of his friends. I was looking to see how he spent his newfound freedom and money. I was hoping to see that he was miserable and alone, often like me. I wanted him to be sitting at home, by himself, thinking of how much he ruined his chances with me.
But I didn’t find anything. I know he spent time with his girlfriend and went to his friends’ social events, but there was no evidence of that on social media. Not finding things only made me look harder and more frequently. This search always, literally always, made me feel worse. And there are so many articles to support this. We’ve all heard that consuming so much social media impacts our self-esteem, view of the world, view of ourselves, and view of others. It also makes us feel like we both know everything yet nothing at all. I was falling victim to that. Torturing myself daily.
So one day, after having a conversation with my ex wherein I learned that he wasn’t as happy as his lack of social media presence implied, I accepted that social media is not a good or healthy source of information. Perhaps, more importantly, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was wishing him unhappiness. Eventually, I did. I think once I let go of the idea of our romantic relationship being rekindled.
I couldn’t possibly start my journey in a new romantic relationship harboring ill will toward my ex and allowing that ill will to drive me to social media stalk the people in his life. I had to be done with it all. And spending less time on Instagram was my first step.
Can you relate?
#block-fa974017c596c827c896 {} #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1617330812093_7844 {}
Remember how last week’s post ended saying I had accepted that my marriage was over and that my ex and I would not be reuniting? Well, like a typical man, he could tell I was prepared to move on and he swooped right in with false hope.
2 minute read
Read More →