Rebuilding Life After Divorce
Toward the end of 2020, I wrapped up my blog. Or so I thought. For the weeks leading up to that last post, I reflected on my journey with the blog and through divorce. I thought about all the experiences, emotions, advice, and connections I had along the way. I was proud of what I had navigated and accomplished. I was also, honestly, relieved to be done.
For one thing, divorce is not a fun topic. No matter how much humor I injected to it, its heavy and melancholic. And I often felt heavy and melancholic while writing and promoting it. I was very ready to enter a lighter and happier phase of my life, and I thought I couldn’t bring my blog along.
For another thing, writing about my personal divorce experience requires I be vulnerable. It opens me up to people’s judgment and feedback. Most of the time, this feedback was positive (at least to my face). But my ex-husband once remarked that my presentation of our story was skewed or untruthful. While I no longer place much weight on his opinion. I had always endeavored in my writing of our story to be fair and truthful. And when writing about something as personal and traumatic as divorce, that takes a lot of effort. So I was relieved to not have to strike that delicate balance or put myself out there anymore.
I brought the blog to a natural conclusion, made the announcement, and was content to move on. Except, I didn’t expect so many of you, my readers, to not be ready for the ending. And I didn’t want to disappoint. So I set out to revisit some of my prior blog posts with all the hindsight and growth I have now. My plan was to add more clarity and depth to them with the hope they’d help those who are just starting out and remind those who were in the midst of the journey.
But then, I had a session with my therapist. We discussed the ending of the blog (which she opposed!) and the state of my life now. I was trying to explain that because of where I’m at in my life right now, I have nothing of note to say. She disagreed. She nonchalantly pointed out, and I don’t know why I didn’t notice it sooner, that the next logical phase of my blog is the same as this phase of my life.
What is that phase you ask? I like to call it rebuilding. Everything in my blog, and correspondingly my life, from the moment my ex left to the middle of 2020 has been about maintenance. My ex flipped my life upside down and I worked quickly and tirelessly to get it right side up. But in 2020 I realized I’d only turned it right side up. I’d done what I needed to survive - physically, emotionally, financially. Now, years later, I think I’ve gotten comfortable in the life I managed out of survival. Instead, I’m looking to create the life I envision for myself. And I’m realizing as I set out to do that just how much harder that is because of the steps I had to immediately take to survive. I didn’t have the time or luxury of intentionally or carefully selecting and measuring out my life. I had to just do.
So now, I’m setting out to rebuild - to scrap what’s not working, to refine what is working, to add wholly new elements to it. And that’s what we’re going to talk about. And I’m CRAZY excited about it!
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Rebuilding, for me, will cover:
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Applauding ourselves
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Idealizing our lives
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Researching our ideal lives
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Preparing to create our ideal lives
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Committing to ourselves
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Not comparing ourselves to others
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Not resenting our ex
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Not giving up on newness
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Being realistic about goals
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Reevaluating friendships
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Landing that new job
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Buying that new car
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Moving into that new home
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Meeting that new man
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Establishing new routines
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Getting a new style
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Starting new hobbies
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Taking ownership of our finances
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Committing to our health and wellness
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Giving back
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And more!
If you’ve been with me for a while, I hope you’re as ready as I am to get to work! If you’re new here, welcome, we’ve got exciting things planned.
I’d love to hear some of the things you did as you rebuilt your life. Or questions and concerns you have as you rebuild your life. Leave me a comment below!
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Moving forward, how am I supposed to meet “the one?” Before I could even go about wondering the answer to this question, I was given so many recommendations from friends.
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