Curating Your Wedding Guest List [Choosing the Right People for Your Big Day]
The hardest part of wedding planning isn’t picking a venue, choosing a dress, or finalizing the menu—it’s the guest list. There are expectations, obligations, and feelings to consider—not just yours, but also your parents’. Everyone from close family and lifelong friends to coworkers and distant relatives might hope for an invitation.
For my first wedding, I felt the full weight of those expectations. I initially wanted a small, 75-person wedding. But after factoring in family pressure, obligatory invites, and people who would be offended if they weren’t invited, my list ballooned to 175 guests—125 of whom actually attended. There were people at my wedding whom I had never met before and some I hadn’t seen since I was a toddler. And that’s ridiculous.
This time around, I was determined to do it differently. I set clear boundaries with my parents and husband, gave them a number of invites they could personally allocate, and then intentionally curated the rest.
The Reality of Guest List Limits
Being selective about your guest list only becomes a challenge when you have limitations—whether financial, emotional, or logistical. If you have unlimited funds and space, by all means, invite everyone! But for most of us, reality sets in.
For me, it was both the venue and my emotional capacity that dictated the guest count. Our venue was a charming café with beautiful, built-in tables that we opted to keep. The trade-off was that seating was limited, and our absolute max was 60 guests.
Beyond that, I knew I didn’t want a repeat of my first wedding—where I spent the entire night politely socializing with people I barely knew instead of celebrating. I wanted to feel at ease, surrounded by people I loved, and to actually enjoy my wedding without spending the night making rounds like a politician at a fundraiser!
So, I built my list intentionally. I started with 75 people, knowing that about 55-60 would actually attend.
Who Should Be on Your Guest List?
When deciding who made the cut, we focused on these categories:
Immediate Family
These were non-negotiable:
My parents and two siblings
My husband’s grandmother, parents, step-parent, five sisters, and one sister’s significant other
To balance things out, I also included my closest aunt
Family Friends
Some people have been around so long and so intimately that they are family in every way that matters. They got a seat at the table.
Long-Term Friends
These are the childhood friends who have been in our lives forever. We each invited about 3-5 of them.
College Friends
The friends who knew us during our formative years and have remained in our lives since. Again, we each invited 3-5.
Work Friends
Not to be confused with casual coworkers—these were colleagues who had become real friends. The ones we’ve shared meals with outside of work, who have met our families, who feel like part of our actual lives.
Those Who Witnessed Our Journey
This was a special category. My husband and I met at work, and we had a group of people who saw our relationship from the very beginning—before it was even official. They prayed for us, checked in on us, and truly celebrated us. They got their own table.
There’s a general rule that if you haven’t spoken to someone in three months, they probably shouldn’t be at your wedding. I didn’t follow this rule intentionally, but when I looked at my list, it naturally fit. The people I invited were the ones who genuinely love me, love my husband, and have been a consistent part of my life.
Who Might Not Make the Cut?
For every person invited, there was someone who wasn’t. Here’s who we left out:
Extended Family
My mom has ten siblings. Inviting all of them (plus their spouses) would have taken up half our guest list. I checked with her first, and she reassured me they wouldn’t be offended, so I left them out. Similarly, my husband has many people who consider themselves family but are really just long-time acquaintances. They didn’t get an invite, either.
Friends from a Past Life
You know those people you’d be happy to bump into but you only ever talk to on social media? They didn’t make the cut. It’s not about whether they wish me well—it’s about whether they are part of my actual life.
Casual Coworkers & Acquaintances
If the only time we interact is at work, or if we only engage in small talk when all other conversation topics have run out, they weren’t invited.
Plus-Ones & Extra Guests
We allowed plus-ones only for married, engaged, or long-term committed couples. We made an exception for one child—so my daughter would have a playmate—but otherwise, it was an adults-only event.
Navigating the Tough Decisions
The beauty of a second wedding was that I cared significantly less about people’s reactions. At the end of the day, if you truly care about me, you should be happy for me—whether or not you get a seat at my wedding. If your happiness for me is contingent upon an invitation, then maybe it wasn’t the purest form of happiness to begin with.
When people asked about the guest list, I didn’t justify it. My go-to response was simple: “We’re keeping it about us.” Simple. Period.
That said, I did try to be considerate about potential awkwardness. For instance, I invited one coworker but not others. So, I let that coworker know in advance to avoid an “I can’t wait for Lauren’s wedding!” moment in a staff meeting that could lead to awkwardness. I also avoided excessive wedding talk around those who weren’t invited. That’s about as much grace as I was willing to extend for something that was mine.
Making Every Guest Feel Valued
Since our guest list was small, I made sure to make every single person feel special:
Sent invitations early so they could plan.
Sat them with people they knew and liked.
Created a “Find the Guest” bingo to encourage mingling.
Chose cuisine we all loved.
Gave thoughtful party favors that reflected us.
Offered take-home boxes so they could enjoy the food later.
Mingled with everyone throughout the night.
Thanked them personally and publicly at the wedding.
Posted photos from the wedding every 10th of the month so they could relive the moment.
Final Thoughts
I don’t regret a single decision about our guest list. Every single person there was meant to be there. And as for those who weren’t, I didn’t seek out their opinions—and I certainly didn’t receive any complaints.
If you’re curating your guest list, trust your gut. Does thinking about a certain guest make you light up or tense up? Do you feel excitement or obligation? Only invite those who make you excited to celebrate.
Your wedding is special. Your wedding is expensive. Make it comfortable and memorable for you—not for anyone else.
Tell me—how did you create your guest list? Who made the cut, and who didn’t?
