Seasonal Insights: Life as a High School Football Coach's Girlfriend

Did you ever watch the show WAGS? It was a reality television show on E! Network back in 2015. It ran for three seasons and showcased the professional and personal lives of the wives and girlfriends of sportspersons. I watched. And I was intrigued.

It’s filled with beautiful women who spend their time getting beautiful, maintaining their beauty, showing off their beauty, being admired by their sportsperson for their beauty, and then worrying about someone else with more or different beauty taking their sportsperson. It is equally glamorous (because of the fame, money, and romance) and terrifying (because of the long hours, public opinion, and strain on the relationship).

Even after binging all three seasons, I was not prepared for my first season as the partner of a high school football coach. As is my way, because you know — writer, I’m going to share why via lessons I learned, a little behind the scenes, memorable moments, and how I balanced it all.

But first, a quick history. I’ve been with my coach for a little over a year. I met him while working at a high school as the Director of Admissions; he was the Defensive Coordinator and STEAM teacher. We started our friendship at the beginning of football season in August. We started our relationship towards the end of football season in October. When that school year ended, he began his current role as Head Football Coach. This past football season was my first full season with him, and the first season with him as Head Coach. So. Let’s dive in.

Lessons Learned

I learned many lessons during this first season, and not just about football, but about men, high school sports, and my fiancé. I won’t share them all. But I’ll share a few that might be helpful :).

• Coaches have to look out for the safety of their players. Young men who love the game, their team, and/or their school, will attempt to play the game even if their body is insisting they don’t. I’ve seen players try to play with broken bones, concussions, dehydration, and low blood sugar. They are young; they’re thinking only of the moment. Coaches are (or should be) thinking of their futures.

• Head Coaches are like Chief Operating Officers. When my fiancé first started as Head Coach, I knew things would be different because he’d be in charge. I figured he’d be more akin to a Manager, maybe a Director. He’d manage the players, maybe a coach or two. Oh no. I was so wrong. Head Coaches manage their staff of coaches (and in football, it’s a bunch of them!), their players, and their players’ parents. They collaborate with trainers, other sports coaches (especially if their players are multi-sport athletes), teachers, counselors, college coaches, and the Athletic Director. They set the vision for the program, strategize the season, set schedules, hire and fire, and manage expectations. It’s a huge operation. And they have to be football experts, while they’re at it!

• And that brings me to my next lesson — I learned the game of football! When I met my fiancé, I’d go to his games and have no idea what was going on. I’d just clap when everyone else clapped. Then one of my work friends would come and narrate the games for me, and that was nice. But when we moved schools, there was no one to narrate! So I had to learn. I read a book over the summer, but it wasn’t the same as seeing it. But watching game after game for 12 weeks in a row, on the sideline, the game started making sense! I found myself asking “Why would he run down the middle instead of throwing the ball” and correctly yelling “Flag on the play - holding!” Now, I don’t want to watch football outside of his games, but I get it.

• Gameday outfits are a thing. A THING. I follow several coaches’ wives’ groups on Instagram and a bunch of coaches’ wives, too. There’s a lot of effort put into wearing a fashionable outfit and then documenting the outfit. And I get it. I think about it much more than I thought I would. There are a lot of eyes on us at these games, and for big games, there are a lot of photos taken. I typically only think about two things — what color the team wants its spectators to wear and the weather. I tend to be a minimalist dresser anyway, and one that prefers comfort and classic pieces. So I doubt I’m going to get any snazzier. But you never know.

Behind the Scenes

Game days are a lot of physical and emotional work! And I’m not even talking about what Coach has to do; I’m talking about the work required to simply support him. I didn’t realize it until (a) I filmed an Instagram Takeover for @SidelineSisters and had to document the whole day and (b) the season ended and I found myself re-energized. I’ll break down a typical game day for you.

7:00 AM — Send him off to work with breakfast, calmness, and well wishes. Head to work myself.

7:15 AM — Grab Starbucks because it’s going to be a looooong day.

7:30 AM — Start work.

10:00 AM — Send him a text to check on his day; ask if he forgot anything and needs me to bring it.

12:30 PM — Eat lunch.

2:30 PM — Have a check-in call with him. Ask how he’s feeling about the game, how the players are doing, and if there’s anything I need to know about the game (i.e. parking, tickets, colors).

4:30 PM — Have a check-in call with him; he’ll ask when I’m leaving, what I’m wearing, and if I’ve eaten.

4:45 PM — Change clothes and purse. (See what I pack here!)

5:15 PM — Head to the game; maybe grab food if traffic isn’t terrible.

6:15 PM — Arrive at the game. Enter the game. Get access to the field. Greet players’ parents, coaches, coaches’ significant others, alumni, photographers, and staff. Wait for him to have a moment.

6:45 PM — Say a special game day prayer with him and affirm him.

7:00 PM — Game begins. Stay on the sideline. Capture footage where possible.

9:30 PM — Game ends. Wait for him to have his chat with the players.

9:45 PM — Congratulate/Console him. Take photos. Say goodbye.

9:50 PM — Commute home.

11:00 PM — Answer his phone call as he leaves the school after the coaches’ chat and field closure. Debrief about the game.

11:45 PM — Go to bed.

It’s a long and draining day, but a rewarding one too. And you do that. For 10-14 Fridays in a row. If you’re lucky, you get a bye week right in the middle. We were not so lucky this season. Our bye week came at the end. So we spent Saturdays trying to rest and catch up.

Memorable Moments

With it being his first season as Head Coach, the whole season was a memorable moment.

But some of the highs included: the first win (against Montebello, in a game dubbed “the battle of Montebello”!), seeing him talk to reporters (they wanted to know about his amazing defensive schemes), every time a player ran up to him after they perfectly executed one of his schemes, families showering him with food and supplies (especially on his birthday), making it to playoffs, and our gameday prayers.

Some of the lows included: losing coaches and players before the season began (one even being a longtime friend of his), the first loss (where our team scored zero), fans not being fantastic after a loss (one game in particular, they even mean-mugged him as we left), not receiving support from former coaching colleagues, and social media doubting him and the team (he proved them wrong!).

I tried to remember to soak up every moment, knowing it wouldn’t come again. Now, I just need to do better at taking photos and videos to document it all.

The Balancing Act

The biggest lesson learned, warranting its own section in this post, was that having a coach as a significant other requires an intentional balancing act. At first, I thought, I’d ask nothing of him and require nothing of him during this season. I’ll give him everything I have so that he can be his best self. But that wasn’t sustainable; it wasn’t fair; and it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to meet my needs and share the journey with me.

So we found small ways to balance each other’s needs. He needed my support for the season. For him, that looked like me being present at each game, standing on the sideline, doing the team’s social media, and giving him grace when he had to work often. I needed quality time. He gave that to me via check-in calls on game day, quick conversations during the game, dinner dates the day after the game, church attendance when feasible, and giving me a set period where he ignored his phone (i.e. athletic director, coaches, and players).

These things may seem small. And maybe even not equal in weight. But it was important for us to recognize the effort it required of the giver and the intention behind the effort. Grace and flexibility are the keys to making it through.

I’m so grateful for this first season, coach-bae’s success, and the warmth extended by his community. I’m super excited about next season and will be documenting along the way. If you’re also a coach’s girlfriend or wife, I’d LOVE to connect with you and hear your story! Send me a DM on Instagram or comment below. I can’t wait to hear from you.