Breaking the iPad Cycle: Prioritizing Intentional Family Time in 2025

The Night I Realized My Daughter Spent Too Much Time Online

Friends, friends. It’s finally happened. I’ve become a victim of the your-child-has-too-much-screen-time syndrome. 😭

A few weeks ago, my daughter had an issue with a classmate-turned-“friend.” We talked about it, looped in the school, and I thought that was that. But because she’s my baby, I wanted to check in on how she was engaging with this classmate outside of school. So, one night, I went through her iPad, scrolling through her messages to check. (My guilt about snooping? Short-lived. Almost nonexistent. 😂)

What I found, though, was shocking. I sat on the edge of my bed, iPad in hand, scrolling frantically through days of her group chat. My husband walked out of the shower, not sure whether to laugh or be concerned. The chat had hours of messages between 8-10 ten-year-old girls. There was name-calling, gaslighting, exclusion, mob-like behavior, and an alarming number of TikTok video links. I was appalled. I nearly didn’t sleep that night.

For context — the first nine years of my daughter’s life, she shared a room with me. That meant zero privacy and no long FaceTime calls or iPad marathons. But at 10, we moved, and she finally got her own room. I was so proud of being able to give her that space that I overlooked how much time she spent in it. I loved that she was excited to have her own room and that she would hole up in there talking to her friends. But I didn’t stop to think about how much time isolated was too much.

That changed at exactly 11:37 p.m. that night.

I made a decision: room time and screen time limits were happening immediately. I want her to have independence, but she needs to be taught how to use it in a healthy way. So, we had another conversation. I told her relationships—both family and friends—should add to her life, not detract from it. If you’re feeling insecure, unhappy, or full of self-doubt after engaging with someone, they might not be a person worth prioritizing. And if they don’t deserve to be prioritized, they certainly don’t deserve hours of your time or energy.

That conversation naturally led to talking about time spent in her room, and I explained that she would be spending more time with me and my husband—less iPad, more real life.

And what perfect timing, because one of her favorite holidays was coming up.

Lunar New Year: A Lesson in Cultural Appreciation and Family Connection

A few years ago, my daughter noticed “Lunar New Year” on the calendar and asked, “How are we celebrating Lunar New Year?” At first, I hesitated. We’re not Asian, and I always try to be mindful of cultural appropriation. But she was eager to learn, and after doing some research, I found that The Huntington Library & Gardens—one of the most beautiful places in Los Angeles—hosts an elaborate Lunar New Year Festival each year. It seemed like the perfect way to introduce her to the holiday authentically and respectfully.

That first year, my mom, brother, daughter, and I made the trip to San Marino, and from the moment we arrived, she was all in. She watched in awe as the lion dancers moved through the crowd, mesmerized by the rhythm of the drums and the bright, intricate costumes. She loved the mask performances, admired the delicate calligraphy, and, of course, ate dumplings like they were going out of style. She was around six or seven at the time, and I could tell that this experience had made an impression.

Since then, Lunar New Year has become one of our traditions. So, this year, I grabbed tickets and added it to our family calendar, and Ava was thrilled—especially because my husband had never been to The Huntington or celebrated Lunar New Year before.

And it did not disappoint. After weeks of gloomy weather, we were greeted with sunshine and a sky full of red and gold lanterns. The gardens were packed with people, all dressed in festive colors, and the energy was high. We walked through the crowds, taking in the decorations, stopping to watch performances, and indulging in all the food. Ava made sure we ate plenty of fluff ice and dumplings before grabbing souvenirs.

But my favorite part of the day? No iPad. My daughter was fully present—dragging my husband from one performance to the next, pointing out every garden, every pond, every favorite spot she had loved in previous years. She talked, she counted koi fish, she spent our money. She was engaged. She was in the moment.

And it reminded me that just because I’ve always prioritized family time doesn’t mean I can let up now. As a co-parent, I only have my daughter for 26 weekends a year—not 52. And for years, I’ve tried to make those weekends count. But as she enters this new phase of pre-teenhood, I realize I can’t just rely on time together at home. I have to keep being intentional about getting her out into the world.

And that starts with balancing the reality of her world—one filled with TikTok, Instagram, Roblox, Netflix, and Disney+—with the real world.

How Do We Get the Girlies Off the iPad in 2025?

Moms, help me out. Because I’ve been researching—reading articles, talking to ChatGPT, and digging into how we counteract the all-consuming digital vortex. And here’s what I’ve landed on: more time outdoors and more time with family.

It doesn’t always have to be big outings like the Lunar New Year Festival. Sometimes it’s running errands together. Sometimes it’s a walk or a quick stop at a bookstore. Sometimes it’s volunteering as a family. But whatever it is, I’m making sure it gets her out of the house and off the screen.

So, I need to know: How are you getting your kids off the iPad and out of the group chat? Drop your best tips, tricks, and survival strategies in the comments or on my latest Instagram post. Let’s get these girlies outside!