Crafting the Perfect Wedding Ceremony

It has now been two whole months of newlywed bliss. *Insert swoon here.* Last month, to commemorate the day, I shared tips for choosing the perfect wedding venue using how I chose mine as a guide. This month, I want to share tips for crafting the perfect wedding ceremony. And I’m not so pretentious as to think I’ve got weddings figured out. Oh no. Rather, this was my second one and I simply implemented the lessons I learned from the first and thought I’d share them.

The wedding ceremony is my favorite part of any wedding. I’m a romantic. Always have been. So I want a front-row seat, witnessing the love the couple has for one another, hearing the minister’s story of their love, commending their vows, and crying as they cry. I want it all. At my first wedding, the ceremony was crafted by my church’s wedding planner. It had all the classic elements, beautifully done. But it wasn’t me. I wanted this wedding ceremony to embody who my husband and I were as individuals and as a couple. So I crafted every single detail. Let’s dive in!

Forgoing a Bridal Party

We decided to forgo a traditional bridal party. We didn’t want to hurt friends’ and families’ feelings by having to choose amongst them. And we didn’t want to have to deal with the stress of coordinating their attire, budgets, schedules, and personalities. So, we opted for a more intimate and personal ceremony focused solely on us as a couple with Ava, my daughter, serving as our ring bearer. This allowed us to reduce stress and logistics, making the planning process much smoother and more enjoyable. It also created a more inclusive atmosphere for all our guests, ensuring that everyone felt equally important and involved. Oh, and because the best man and maid of honor typically serve as witnesses for the marriage certificate, we simply used my mom and his dad.

Choosing the Officiant

Choosing the officiant for our wedding was a really big and personal decision. We wanted someone who knew us well and could create a meaningful ceremony unique to us. Our officiant was not just a minister, but also my good friend and former colleague. When we worked together, he often gave me spiritual and friendly advice about my dating life and journey through divorce. When he met my husband, they hit it off immediately. So when it came time to choose an officiant, he was the obvious choice. His deep understanding of our journey allowed him to craft a ceremony that was intimate and authentic. He highlighted the hard emotional work I’ve done to reach the altar and commended my husband for his love and commitment to me and my daughter. With his ordination through our church, the process of selecting and working with him was seamless, adding a special touch to our day.

I’ll admit, that I was nervous not to choose my church’s pastor. After all, he officiated my first wedding. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t choosing him because I felt negatively about his performance at the first wedding. Then I realized, it wasn’t about him. It was about me and my husband. It was about making the right decision for us as a couple. And it was about creating a moment and memory that we’d never forget. So we chose our friend. And it worked out because my pastor was out of town that weekend and would have been unavailable.

Personalizing Our Vows

Our personalized vows were a highlight of our wedding ceremony. The decision to write and exchange our vows stemmed from the importance of expressing our unique love and commitment. We learned about the importance of this idea in our premarital workshop, which emphasized starting early in preparing the commitments, being sincere in what we express, and including shared memories and future promises. To make it even more special, we bought custom vow books on Etsy. Our personalized vows not only deepened our connection during the ceremony (bringing both of us to tears!) but also engaged the audience, making the moment truly unique and heartfelt.

I also utilized personalized vows in my first wedding. Being a romantic and a writer, this can’t be surprising! But I did find that in that wedding, while I had put great thought and preparation into my vows, my ex-husband had not. So it was incredibly affirming and heartwarming when, at this wedding, my husband had pages of vows. *Swooning.*

Skipping Traditional Practice

We chose not to include traditional practices like jumping the broom or lighting a unity candle in our wedding ceremony because they just didn’t resonate with us. At my first wedding, we assembled a wooden cross as our traditional practice. It was pretty, sure. But did we ever look at it again? No. Did it keep our marriage together? No.

It was important to my husband and I, this time around, that we created a celebration that felt genuine and reflective of who we were as a couple, rather than adhering to practices that felt performative. So, we focused on crafting new traditions and incorporating personal elements that held true meaning for us. That looked like sharing a special vow exchange in a meaningful location. I encourage you to put serious thought into the elements of your ceremony and include only what fits.

Key Takeaways

Reflecting on our ceremony, it’s clear that the personalized elements we chose made the day uniquely special and deeply meaningful. By focusing on what truly resonated with us rather than following traditional practices, we created a celebration that felt authentic and connected to our story. For other couples, I encourage you to curate your own ceremony with elements that reflect your personal journey and relationship. Authenticity and personal connection can transform your special day into something extraordinary.

Share your own ceremony ideas and experiences in the comments below, and stay tuned for next month's highlight on bridal attire—I can’t wait to explore this exciting topic with you!