4 Steps to Leave Work at Work

As a working mom, achieving a healthy work-life balance is always a priority. But the concept of being a professional and a mother makes balancing the two a bit of a wild goose chase. We struggle with the temptation to check emails in bed when we should be sleeping, respond to Slack messages when we should be watching our kids’ sports practices, or even work on that presentation when we should be enjoying quality time with our significant other. Setting clear boundaries is not just about creating a separation between work and home—it's about prioritizing our well-being and ensuring that our personal life is cherished. In this blog post, I’ll share practical strategies for establishing and maintaining boundaries that help you leave work at work, allowing you to recharge and enjoy your personal life to the fullest.

First, why do we need boundaries?

Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance and preventing burnout. According to research by the American Psychological Association, clear boundaries between work and personal life can significantly reduce stress and enhance overall well-being (APA, 2021). When boundaries are not established, we may experience increased anxiety, decreased productivity, and strained relationships. Setting boundaries helps create a structured environment where work and personal life are separate, allowing us to focus on what matters when it matters.

I am your classic Type-A, perfectionist, and overachiever. I like working. I like research, writing, data analysis, and content creation. But I also like my family — dinners, TV time, board games, and outings. Balancing work and home has always been a bit of a tense dance for me. But almost two years ago, it got out of control. I had taken a job with a longer commute. Where work was concerned, I was constantly getting to work late and leaving early, which made me feel unproductive and tempted me to work at home. Where home was concerned, I was constantly en route to/from work and making up for lost time working at home. My daughter was feeling abandoned and I was feeling guilty and burnt out. Something had to give. I decided right then and there that my love for my work and my love for my family are not mutually exclusive; they can (and should) co-exist. I just had to figure out how.

Now, how to set boundaries?

To help you effectively set and maintain boundaries between work and personal life, I’ll outline the three actionable steps I took. These practical tips can guide you in achieving a healthier work-life balance and improve your overall well-being.

1. Define Your Boundaries Clearly: Decide on specific boundaries that suit your lifestyle. This will vary based on your profession. Boundaries for a doctor or lawyer will be different from the boundaries for a teacher or coach. So think about boundaries that are specific and doable for you. For me, these included no work emails outside of work; answering work texts, but not work phone calls; and only doing work in the mornings before the rest of the family woke up if the work absolutely had to get done. Clearly communicate these limits to your colleagues, as well as your family, to ensure everyone understands and respects the boundaries.

2. Establish Physical Separation: Create a dedicated workspace in your home to keep your work separate from your personal life. Living in a small apartment, I didn’t have enough space to establish a dedicated workspace. However, what I did do, was establish place my bedroom as a place where work could not exist. Bedrooms are for restoration, solitude, and intimacy. Work has no place there. This did wonders for keeping me from working during hours in which I should be sleeping. Maybe for you, it’s the kitchen or dining room, or perhaps you have a dedicated office. Wherever it is, set a physical boundary for where work can/not occur.

3. Establish Mental Separation: Develop routines that signal the end of your workday, such as shutting down your computer or changing clothes, to help you transition from work mode to personal time. Changing clothes will always be a big signifier for me. When I get home, I clean first (because I have OCD), then I change into loungewear, put my hair up, and wash my makeup off. My body immediately relaxes and my mindset shifts to “family time.” For you, it may be having a glass of wine, turning your devices off, or taking a shower. Find what works and make it a routine.

4. Handle Work Requests Thoughtfully: When faced with work requests outside your boundaries, evaluate their urgency before responding. Politely, but firmly, reinforce your boundaries and offer to address non-urgent requests during your next work period to manage expectations effectively. I love to email or text “Happy to attend to this matter during work hours!” It takes some practice, and courage, but is totally worth it!

Things to Remember

While maintaining your boundaries is important, being flexible is equally important. Rigidly sticking to boundaries without room for life’s curveballs can lead to even more stress and conflict, especially if your work is unpredictable or dynamic. Remember to be open to modifying your boundaries when special circumstances arise. For instance, if a big project deadline is approaching, it may be necessary to work while at home temporarily. Communicate these changes clearly and proactively to avoid disrupting your established routine and ruffling professional or personal feathers. Flexibility allows you to manage your urgent work demands effectively while still preserving your overall work-life balance.

Similarly, regularly evaluate your boundaries to make sure they continue to be effective and relevant to your evolving needs. Periodically assess how well your boundaries are working and solicit feedback from your colleagues and family. Then, be prepared to make adjustments based on feedback you received, changes in work demands, or personal circumstances. If you’re struggling to assess the need or to set the boundary, seek support from mentors, coaches, or therapists. By continuously evaluating and adjusting your boundaries, you can maintain a healthy balance and adapt to any shifts in your professional or personal life.

In sum, setting and maintaining boundaries is vital for achieving a healthy work-life balance and preventing burnout. By defining clear boundaries, creating physical and mental separation, and maintaining flexibility, you can efficiently manage work demands while experiencing personal life. I encourage you to implement these strategies and share your boundary-setting tips or experiences in the comments below. Your insights could inspire others to find their balance and improve their well-being!