"Give Him Another Chance"

I’ve mentioned this idea of giving my ex another chance in prior posts. But I think it’s worth it's own post. 

From the day my ex left, I was encouraged to give him another chance. People would see our daughter and insists she “needed” and “deserved” to have her parents “together.” Or, people would see him and I have a friendly interaction and insists we could overcome any obstacles. Or, people would hear that I wasn’t dating and assert it was because the universe was telling me I needed to give him another chance. 

I was rarely upset with people for this encouragement. I am generally a hopeful person - looking at the world with a glass half full. So I appreciated their efforts at positivity. I, of course, would love to see my daughter come from a two-parent household. I would, ideally, also love to have a permanent relationship with the man I chose to marry and have a child with. I would even love to not have to date, and just be in a happy relationship already. 

For those very reasons, I entertained the notion of reuniting with my ex for the first couple of months after our separation. I didn’t like co-parenting. I didn’t like people’s questions and opinions about my family dynamic. I didn’t like being single. But I really didn’t like the idea of dating. To add to all of that, my ex had moments when he wanted to get back together. So it seemed easier to just give him another chance, and get my perfect, redemptory ending to a very traumatic story. 

But I had to really stop and think, and this is where therapy was best. As much as getting back together seemed appealing and easier, was it going to make me happy in the long run? The peace and independence I experienced as a single woman in the wake of my separation made reuniting for the sole purpose of not having to co-parent, ending a relationship, or not dating worth it. I could still have my ex as a co-parent and friend, while also finding great fulfillment in our daughter, my career, my family, and my friends. 

This is not to say that I was happy to be rid of my relationship with my ex. I hope that if you’ve been reading this blog, you know by now how much I loved my ex and grieved the loss of that relationship. You also know how hard I worked to pull myself out of the darkness that is a challenging relationship, then separation, and then divorce. So after pulling yourself out of these dark places , it is incredibly difficult to go back to the person, place, or thing that led you there. Whether they led you there intentionally or not. 

It felt like I had turned a new leaf, started a new chapter, embarked on a new journey. I was too content with my progress and too excited about my destination to go backward. So I didn’t. 

The moral of this segment of the story is - decide to give your ex another chance because YOU want to; and not because family and friends say so or societal expectations and judgment make you feel otherwise. Search your heart and see what is the best decision for you.

And for kicks, I always tell people when they ask if we’ll get together, I doubt it. But “never say never”, right?