The Journey to Reclaiming Myself [Through Self-Care]

Divorce is a journey that changes you in ways you never expected. It’s a time of uncertainty, loss, and transformation. But it’s also an opportunity to rediscover who you are, what you want, and what truly matters. For me, self-care was not just a necessity, but a powerful tool for rebuilding my confidence, strength, and sense of self.

By the time my divorce was final, I had a bit more money (having stabilized my professional life) and a lot more confidence (having built the foundation for my self-care practice earlier). Gone were the days of skimping on self-care because of financial constraints or because I forgot to take care of myself amidst all the overwhelm. I now knew exactly what I needed and, more importantly, what I wanted. I no longer viewed self-care as a rare luxury, but as something I genuinely enjoyed and needed —a vital part of my routine.

Maximizing the Alone Time

Post-divorce, one of the most significant shifts in my self-care routine was how I approached my “newfound” alone time. Initially (like during my separation), alone time felt intimidating and scary. I rushed to fill it with social activities to avoid my thoughts and feelings (especially the loneliness). But after the divorce, I began to view alone time differently—it became something to plan for and look forward to.

Instead of running away from it, I valued my alone time as an opportunity to reconnect with myself and recharge. I immersed myself in my love for reading, being fit, writing, and even dining out. I planned activities that brought me joy, like brunches with friends, attending concerts, and dipping my toes into the dating scene. I also reconnected with hobbies like running and hiking, continued my nail and hair appointments, maintained individual therapy, and even took care of long-neglected dental health.

My alone time became a powerful tool for personal growth. I used it to focus on becoming the best version of myself, reflecting on what I wanted out of life, and ensuring that I was on the right path. As I embraced this time, I found it not only recharged my energy but also helped me rediscover who I was outside of being a mother and a divorcee. Alone time became a cherished part of my routine, an important factor in my well-being, and a key to my journey of self-discovery.

The Power of Self-Care

Self-care after divorce isn’t just about maintaining appearances; it’s about rediscovering who you are and reclaiming your identity. The typical self-care activities—like getting my nails done, hair treatments, and regular workouts—were crucial in rebuilding my confidence. But self-care also extended to my mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Therapy sessions and doctor’s visits made me stronger while dedicating time to myself helped me reconnect with who I truly was.

As I focused on self-care, I learned more about myself—what I liked and needed, and what didn’t serve me. For example, I realized that I enjoy running but not strength training, that dining out brings me joy while cooking does not, and that I prefer regular manicures over gel. I also discovered that I’m not interested in dating without purpose, and while self-help books aren’t for me, audiobooks are a great alternative.

These self-care practices allowed me to embrace my identity and become the version of myself that I always wanted to be—healthy, confident, and prepared. Weekends became my time to reclaim who I was outside of being a mother and a divorcee. I spent them cleaning my home, getting my hair or nails done, going for a run or hike, having brunch with friends or a date, enjoying movie nights, attending church, and writing. These routines grounded me and reminded me that I am a woman first, with my own needs, desires, and dreams.

Advice for the Newly Divorced

If you’re newly divorced and wondering where to start with self-care, my advice is simple: start small. Pick one thing that feels easy or desirable and make it a part of your routine. Then, gradually add more as you feel comfortable. Pay attention to how each activity makes you feel—do you feel recharged or drained, better or worse? Adjust your routine until it feels organic and truly helpful.

Notice whether a particular practice leaves you feeling recharged, uplifted, and more connected to yourself, or if it drains your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted or unfulfilled. For example, a morning run might invigorate you and set a positive tone for your day, while an intense workout could leave you feeling depleted. Similarly, spending time alone might help you recharge, while too much social interaction might feel overwhelming. The key is to listen to your body and emotions, adjusting your self-care practices until they feel natural and beneficial. Over time, this intentional approach will help you create a routine that not only supports your well-being but does so in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.

I hope sharing my journey inspires you to embark on your path of self-care and identity reclamation. Remember, you deserve to thrive, not just survive. Whether you’re just starting out or well on your way, know that you’re not alone in this journey. I’d love to hear about your experiences and what self-care practices have helped you reclaim your identity after divorce. Connect with me on Instagram, where I share more of my journey, tips, and encouragement.